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I just finished reading “Mike Nelson’s Movie Megacheese” by (surprise) Michael J. Nelson tonight, and found it to be a pretty enjoyable read overall. Nelson, as some of you might know, was part of the television legend that was Mystery Science Theatre 3000, and “Megacheese” finds Nelson following the same sort of schtick. However, this time around, Nelson skewers Hollywood’s “A-list” material — movies like You’ve Got Mail, Volcano, and Independence Day, television programs such as Baywatch, and actors including Keanu Reeves, the Baldwins, and umm… Carrot Top.

Many of the essays had me chuckling quite a bit, even if Nelson’s targets and jokes do sometimes seem a bit obvious — do we really need to be reminded of the banality of Friends? And sometimes, Nelson’s writing seems to be overly concerned with how many ludicrous analogies and clever pop culture references he can throw in… but then again, the same could be said of my own reviews, so maybe I should just shut up.

However, when Nelson’s on (which is quite often, mind you), he’s downright hysterical. One of my favorite essays is on Baywatch and its progeny, and contains this hilarious quote concerning Pacific Blue:

In order to enjoy it [“Pacific Blue”], it’s important that you get over your skepticism that there is intrigue in the world of bike patrol cops. Let go of your image of them as doughy loners busting in-line skaters for going the wrong way on the bike path. Quell your impression of them as lackluster doughnut-vacuums sullenly enforcing leash laws. Overcome your belief that they’re hostilely confiscating your Genuine Draft because of feelings of inferiority even when compared to meter maids, and you’ll find a world of gorgeous women and buff hunks matching wits with criminally gorgeous women and nefarious buff hunks.

And there’s this nugget concerning DVDs:

I will once again focus on DVD, the breakthrough technology that is revolutionizing the way we watch idiotic action movies starring Bruce Willis. Pre-DVD-ian technology was “lossy” as far as delivering the correct amount of Willis’s smirk, and it now seems nearly antediluvian the way we used to hear the sound of his flat, affect voice over just two analog channels. It is a far more engaging experience to watch Willis blow away some “@#$#@%^” using crisp, digital video and to hear “drop the @#$%^ gun, you @#$%^!” over 5.1 channels of full-range sound.

Good stuff.

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