The Onion Has Bought Alex Jones’ InfoWars
In a twist that sounds like one of their classic headlines, satirical newspaper The Onion has acquired Alex Jones’ InfoWars in a bankruptcy auction. The infamous conspiracy theorist, who was sued into oblivion for repeatedly claiming the 2012 Sandy Hook school shooting was a hoax, filed for bankruptcy in 2022 to pay off his massive legal fees.
In addition to the InfoWars site, The Onion now also owns “Jones’ studio equipment, his lucrative online nutritional supplement store, domain names, customer lists, and some of Jones’ social media accounts.” Jones still has access to his X/Twitter account, though, where he’s decried the announcement. (I won’t link to his crap but you can find it easily enough.)
Jones previously announced that several supporters and allies were bidding on InfoWars, which would’ve allowed him to continue broadcasting on the site. Some progressive outfits, including Media Matters, had also expressed interest. But The Onion, with the Sandy Hook families’ backing — they forwent some of their compensation to help The Onion’s bid — ultimately won. The final sale price has not been released.
The Onion announced their acquisition in their inimitable manner:
Through it all, InfoWars has shown an unswerving commitment to manufacturing anger and radicalizing the most vulnerable members of society — values that resonate deeply with all of us at Global Tetrahedron.
No price would be too high for such a cornucopia of malleable assets and minds. And yet, in a stroke of good fortune, a formidable special interest group has outwitted the hapless owner of InfoWars (a forgettable man with an already-forgotten name) and forced him to sell it at a steep bargain: less than one trillion dollars.
Make no mistake: This is a coup for our company and a well-deserved victory for multinational elites the world over.
Over on Bluesky, Onion CEO Ben Collins announced that InfoWars will be turned into “a very funny, very stupid website.” He expanded in a press release:
The Onion has a long history of helping the American public navigate some of the most difficult moments in American life, from our historic issue after 9/11 to our groundbreaking reportage after every American mass shooting. In that tradition, we hope the Sandy Hook families will be able to marvel at the cosmic joke we will soon make of InfoWars.com.
All that’s currently visible on infowars.com is a “Site unavailable till further notice” message. The new platform is expected to launch in January 2025.
Suffice to say, this is the happiest I’ve been since the election, and it couldn’t have happened to a better guy. Chef’s kiss, no notes, and all that.