Empire of the Spiritual Ninja by Godfrey Ho (1988)
Sometimes you need to watch a movie simply because of its title alone, even if you know it’s going to be terrible. Case in point: Godfrey Ho’s Empire of the Spiritual Ninja (which is attributed to Ho’s Bruce Lambert pseudonym). Now, we can all agree that that’s a great title. But that’s really all the film has going for it. (Well, that and Sherman Chow’s proto-vaporwave soundtrack.) Employing Ho’s famous cut-and-paste filmmaking approach, Empire of the Spiritual Ninja is a truncated, barely coherent mess about police efforts to bring down the “Spiritual Ninjas,” a violent gang of ninja drug dealers led by the cruel — checks notes — Gordon. Fortunately, the CIA are also involved, and they’ve got a secret weapon: Captain Scott, who just so happens to be a ninja himself. Unfortunately, the silly ninja action is sadly lacking, making this less bearable than some of Ho’s other films. Also, the awesome cover artwork bears no resemblance, at all, to the film’s actual events. On a side note, the version currently streaming on Tubi was clearly ripped from a German VHS tape; it has burned in German subtitles and poor VHS tracking lines that gave me a near-physical reaction when they suddenly appeared. (If you ever had to adjust the tracking on an old, worn out VHS tape, then you’ll know exactly what I mean.)
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