My Cultural Diet

I’ve written about a lot of martial arts films over the years, but it recently occurred to me that I’d never reviewed anything starring Don “The Dragon” Wilson. I know he was in a bunch of direct-to-video movies in the ’80s and ’90s, the sort of stuff that played on HBO and Cinemax late at night. But not knowing where to start, and being a sucker for ’90s-era cyberpunk, I kicked off (pun intended) my Wilson viewing with Future Kick — and I’m pretty sure I could’ve made a much better choice. In the distant future of 2025, the rich have abandoned Earth to live virtual reality-enhanced lives on the Moon, leaving the rest of humanity to fend for themselves amongst the ruins. Wilson plays the last remaining android soldier who takes on an evil corporation with the help of a widow seeking to avenge her VR developer husband. Or something like that. Future Kick is a mess from start to finish, from its muddled plot and cheap sets (imagine Blade Runner’s Los Angeles recreated with cardboard and papier-mâché) to the yawn-inducing fights (you’d never guess Wilson was a world champion kickboxer) and gratuitous content (though the film does score a point or two for some creative gore). Confession: I actually fell asleep during my first viewing of Future Kick, so I rewatched it to see if I’d missed anything after dozing off. Reader, believe me when I tell you that I did not.

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