I know this was directed by Steven Spielberg, that George Lucas worked on its story, and that it stars Harrison Ford, Cate Blanchett, and Shia LaBeouf. But Kingdom of the Crystal Skull feels less like a real Indiana Jones movie, and more like a decent-budget fan film that has all of the elements, but is nevertheless missing that essential spark that makes an Indiana Jones film so special. Maybe it’s the sci-fi aspects, or the decision to swap out Nazis for Communists, or the choice to use some surprisingly dodgy CGI instead of practical effects. In any case, nothing in this film feels as visceral as the face melting in Raiders or the mine cart chase in Temple of Doom, and I miss Indy’s wrestling with skepticism and belief when confronted with holy relics like the Grail. I actually do like the basic storyline of tracking down ancient aliens and a mythical city in the Amazon jungle. Throw in some stuff about Area 51 and Cold War-era psychic research, and I’m even more intrigued. Just not in an Indiana Jones movie.
My Cultural Diet
My least favorite Sandman volume so far. It possesses some cool ideas and concepts (e.g., the family taking care of the head of Morpheus’ son, the nigh-immortal beings living amongst us) and Gaiman’s references are quite clever in places (e.g., the Isaac Newton one). However, the actual storyline — Dream and his sister Delirium set off in search of their brother Destruction, who abdicated his duties and left their family 300 years ago — never really grabbed me. It felt too disjointed, with none of the urgency found in previous volumes’ storylines.
The title suggests that this is the final Orphan X novel, and if that’s the case, then the series ends on an underwhelming note. Mind you, I never read these novels expecting high art, but rather, something really entertaining — think Jason Bourne meets Burn Notice — that I can devour in a single day. (Which I did here.) To his credit, Hurwitz puts his hero, a former government assassin named Evan Smoak, through the mental and emotional ringer to honestly explore the trauma and morality of his profession. But the result is page after page of clunky, portentous dialog. Put it this way: the descriptions of Smoak’s military equipment and super-secret ninjutsu techniques are more believable and enjoyable than any “serious” dialog. Combine that with a lackluster villain who’s a thinly veiled Elon Musk (I think) and several plot threads left unresolved in order to include new ones, and I think this might be the series’ weakest book.
I wanted to like this one, I really did. On the surface, it seems like a really goofy, nostalgic ode to classic video games. Plus, it stars action superstar Scott Adkins as the titular Max Cloud, an ultra-vain interstellar hero. So you’d think this one would be right up my alley. And sure, I chuckled once or twice and enjoyed some of the retro imagery. But Max Cloud is so ineptly made with nostalgic references so on-the-nose — e.g., Karate Kid posters, light-up phones — that any possible charm gets drowned out. Which is a shame because there’s a cool concept in there somewhere, waiting for a better film to realize it. To be fair, though, I didn’t actively hate this like I did Max Reload and the Nether Blasters.
Mechanical Violator Hakaider gets a star for its title alone. And I’ll give it another star for its post-apocalyptic meets campy, glam rock aesthetic. On the one hand, you’ve got an implacable cyborg fighting his way through a seemingly perfect (read: dystopic) society. On the other hand, the main villain wears a bird’s skeleton draped over his shoulder and pontificates on the beauty of flowers. Also, so many feathers. But to be honest, I wish the movie had leaned harder into one aspect or the other: either embrace the grimness and nihilism, or embrace the camp. Some interesting visuals, to be sure, be it the mechanical designs or the massive religious ruins dotting the landscape, and Hakaider always looks cool on his motorcycle. As for the many fight scenes, if you’ve ever watched a Power Rangers episode, you know what to expect.
A film about Santa Claus relying on his violent past to save a young girl from kidnappers? Seems like a total home run. Violent Night has some clever Santa-themed kills (though the violence is blunted by CGI blood). But the movie’s best aspects (e.g., Santa’s violent Viking past, David Harbour’s performance) get diluted by references and similarities to other classic Christmas-themed movies (e.g., Home Alone, Die Hard, The Ref). Which is a shame, because this has “cult hit” written all over it.
I was really looking forward to Ron Marz and Ron Lim, who helmed the Silver Surfer comic when I first discovered it back in high school, return to the Sentinel of the Spaceways. Alas, this was a disappointment. Lim’s artwork had lost its mid-’90s edge and the storyline — the Surfer teams up with Thanos to retrieve one of the Infinity Gems — felt like a retread. It might’ve helped if the series had been longer than five issues, as there were some interesting threads in there, but overall, not my favorite Surfer title.
I’m not sure any synopsis can do justice to this strange movie about a pair of CIA agents trying to stop a Russian plot to take over a virtual world. There’s talk about pizzerias and kickboxing academies, kung fu battles, and an African president running around in a Batman outfit. It’s deliberately nonsensical and bizarre in a Midnight Madness sort of way, so your mileage will definitely vary.
This bit of mid ’90s direct-to-video cheese starring Nicole Eggert (of Baywatch and Charles in Charge fame) intrigued me whenever I saw it on the video store shelf back in the day. However, it’s just a blatant RoboCop rip-off sans Paul Verhoeven’s sense of style or satire. (I also detected hints of Terminator 2 in the soundtrack.) It does have Richard Grieco chewing up the scenery whenever he’s on-screen, which is not nothing. (The movie also gets some bonus points for naming his character “Mad Dog.”) Sidenote: Director Robert Kurtzman apparently never met a Dutch angle he didn’t like.
Given that it’s basically a Lovecraftian spy thriller, I expected to like this a lot more than I actually did. However, the nonstop snarky tone got tedious after awhile, as did all of the spy lingo and technobabble. There are apparently a dozen novels in Charles Stross’ Laundry Files series as well as various novellas and spin-offs. I’m good, however, after just this one.
I think this movie wanted to be both a hard-boiled thriller and a buddy action comedy, but it ended up being neither. Spenser Confidential isn’t a terrible film, but it could’ve been a better one had the filmmakers actually figured out what it was supposed to be.
I’m not sure why this cost $200 million. Was it all of the crazy drone shots? Chris Evans’ mustache? All kidding aside, the movie’s OK, but it’s basically a series of ludicrous action sequences looking for a reason to exist. (Mind you, some of the action sequences are pretty impressive. I wouldn’t mind hearing some behind-the-scenes stories in a “Stuntmen React” video.)
So maybe Sam Raimi and the MCU weren’t such a great match, after all. Some cool visuals, but the obvious Raimi-isms really felt out of place to me. As for the story, it was OK, but nowhere near as thrilling, interesting, or thought-provoking as the first Doctor Strange movie.
Another “classic” anime OVA from late ’80s. Given both its stylish animation and ultra-gratuitous content, I should’ve guessed that it was directed by Yoshiaki Kawajiri (of Ninja Scroll and Wicked City fame). I don’t really recommend this one, though the old-school cel animation was kind of refreshing to watch. Also, nothing looks cooler than futuristic Tokyo cityscapes as depicted in ’80s anime.
A throwback to the sort of low-budget action fare that seemed to dominate cable TV in the ’90s. As such, it’s entertaining but totally clichéd, right down to the heroine’s one-liners. Even its “wokeness” — the heroine is a military sexual abuse survivor, the villain is (supposedly) driven by his disgust with America’s inequities, one of his henchmen is basically a Proud Boy — feels rote.
The survival-at-all-costs story never really grabbed me, and Arielle Jovellanos’ artwork felt underwhelming compared to her other work.
This movie didn’t need to be three hours long. Normally I’m all for slow pacing and atmosphere, but this should’ve been a lean, mean action film. That being said, I really liked Robert Pattinson’s super-emo Batman.
I enjoy the idea of this kind of spy thriller, which emphasizes mood and atmosphere over action. But All the Old Knives wasn’t very thrilling, not even when the final twists began revealing themselves.
I didn’t enjoy this nearly as much as Agents of Dreamland. Lots of interesting ideas and striking prose, but the disjointed and meandering narrative made it a slog.
Didn’t like this as much as season one. Some promising new story ideas were introduced but none of them were developed in a satisfying way. This season felt rushed and truncated, which wasn’t helped by the fact that it only had seven episodes compared to the first season’s ten.